FVA's Christmas Ad-Stravaganza, Part Five of Hopefully More Than One

Hello again, my dearest readers.

This commercial was suggested to me by Samantha, a co-worker of mine. It’s hard to think of old Christmas commercials without thinking about this one from Coca Cola.



This commercial may only be five years old, but its message of togetherness and tolerance is timeless. There were a whole bunch of these polar bear commercials over the years, but I really love this one the most.

True story: I had a great-great aunt named Grace. She was born in the late 1890’s, and died sometime before 2000. When these commercials, which were obviously computer animated, started coming out, she said to her daughter, “Gee, I wonder how they trained the polar bears to act like that!” Isn’t that adorable?

Another Coca Cola commercial that I loved was this one:



There’s very little that I can say about this commercial. Maybe it was my simple-mindedness, but I have always found myself amused by all the lights. Those trucks aren’t just transporting Coca Cola; they’re transporting something bigger: goodwill towards your fellow man, and peace on earth.

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And now for something completely unrelated!

Regardless of what race or ethnicity they are, every kid’s dream is to be able to call up Santa. What if I told you that in 1985, there was a 1-900 number you could call to do just that? Sounds pretty exciting, doesn’t it? Now what if I told you that if you called that number, Santa would rap just for you?



You see, before Snoop, before Eminem, and yes, even before Coolio, Santa Claus was the hip hop king of the world. For the low, low price of two dollars for the first minute, and forty-five cents for each additional minute, MC Santa would spit out his dope rhymes just for you!

So... where do I start? First of all, I had no idea that Santa had any rap skills. He’s pretty much the last person I would associate with the early hip hop scene. Second, you’ll notice that the commercial tells the children to get their parents’ permission before calling. I’d like to know what kind of parent would have allowed their children to call that number. Third, what could Santa rap about that would take longer than a minute? Could you interact with the big man, or was it just a recording? So many questions!

I really want to call that number and see what it is now. The problem is that I don’t get paid enough to afford the two dollars for the first minute, and forty-five cents for the second.

I think that in today’s society, where hip hop is more widely embraced, they should bring this back. I think that it would do extremely well! Nothing says “Merry Christmas” and “Peace on Earth” quite like Santa rapping.