I JUST HAD A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR LUNCH - A tribute to the canned pasta of the 80's

Hello again, my dearest readers. I've been trying to write this entry for about a week, but I had some strange computer problem where it would get really hot and shut itself off. I'm happy to report that the problem has somehow corrected itself, and I'm able to watch videos again. That's good news for you!

I used to love canned pasta. Come lunch time, it was always exciting to hear the hum of the can opener and the plopping noises as delicious canned goodness fell into the microwavable Tupperware container.

On top of being delicious, I always thought that the commercials for the various canned pastas were fun too. I didn't realize how many kinds of canned pasta there were until I started poking around the internet.

Now, bear with me if you will. I'm not sure if all of these brands were available in both Canada and the US. The ones I'm posting now, I distinctly remember from Canada.



Oh, Smurf-a-getti... you were indeed my favourite, but I'm afraid I never got to spend much time with you. It seems like you were always being passed over in favour of your more generic counterparts.

This commercial, while fun sounding, looked really cheaply produced. Take a look at those breakdancing Smurfs. They really don't look like they were offically licenced by the Hannah-Barbara studios. The cans, on the other hand, look like they were well drawn.

Fun fact! "Schtroumpf" is the French word for "Smurf". How do you pronounce "Schtroumpf"? Don't ask me. I've been trying for twenty years.



Dino-getti was also one of the passed-over canned pastas in my household. Looking back, I suppose that it didn't make too much of a difference. No matter what kind of canned pasta you got, they all tasted the same.

I didn't think too much about it as a kid, but now that I'm a grown man, I'd pay good money to see a band of dinosaurs play a song about a glorified ketchup and noodles product.



Zoodles seemed the the de facto standard canned pasta in my family. As I said, it didn't make a big difference since all these pastas tasted the exact same. These were just regular animals, though. They weren't Smurfs, nor were they Dinosaurs. Just plain, old, wild animals.

And what's up with the Zoodles in chicken stock? Yuck.

Now that I'm older, I probably wouldn't go anywhere near this stuff. But back in the day... oh boy, I'd be all over it!

I don't really see many commercials for canned pasta anymore. I wonder if it was deemed unhealthy by a group of extreme, but well-meaning, parents? I'm too lazy to actually read up on it, so I guess we'll never know.

That's it for now. I'll see you next time!

The Action Never Stops... at Action Park!

Hey, everyone! It's my first entry as an official co-writer here at FVA!

I figured an entry featuring local advertisements would be a good way for people to get to know who I am. So I decided to feature advertisements from a New Jersey legend, for two reasons: first, to get into a bit of regional history, and second, to show some great locally-made commercials from the 1980s.

Action Park was an amusement park located in Vernon, NJ, in the northern part of the state. It opened in 1978 and closed in 1996, and was known by such monikers as "Traction Park," "Accident Park," and "Class Action Park." These nicknames were not without merit. Stories of accidents and injuries became the legacy of Action Park. Action Park was also featured in multiple Weird NJ magazine stories (the guys who created Weird NJ also hosted a TV series, "Weird U.S." in 2004-05!) throughought the 1990s and 2000s (for the record, Weird NJ is a popular magazine here in the Garden State, featuring strange trips around my fair state).

The park was also known for it's commercials and catchy jingles. I don't personally have any memories of these, but they ran in the mid-80s, so I would have been too young to remember. However, thanks to the wonder that is YouTube, these legendary locally produced commercials live on!

This first one is from 1983, the year of my birth. Here we see New Jersey residents (you can tell by the accents, there's a nice mix of both north and south Jersey accents, if you have an ear for that sort of thing). The motto at that time was "There's Nothing in the World Like Action Park." Check out the awesome computer-animated graphics, too!

Here's are two more from sometime in the mid-80s, featuring all the fun stuff you can do at Action Park, as well as a toe-tapping theme song. No mention of life-threatening injury, however:

Well, my friends, that should do it for this edition of Fun Vintage Advertising. I'm looking forward to writing about other fun commercials from the past as a regular here at FVA!

Stay alert, stay safe!

My friends of the internet, how do you do today?

I was poking around YouTube recently, and I stumbled upon something that really, really excited me. There is a user on YouTube called Retrontario, who has uploaded about 1700 videos and commercials from Southern Ontario/Western New York, which is where I was born and raised. You can just imagine my excitement as I carefully combed over pages upon pages of old videos!

This PSA is from Retrontario. Gert and Bert helped shape me into the careful, courteous person I am today.



Little Daniel is home alone, when an attractive woman comes to the door asking to use the phone. Oh no! What is he to do? Thankfully Gert and Bert are there to remind him that he must stay alert, even when he's home alone.

I remember being told to use the line, "My parents can't come to the door right now," all the time when I was growing up. I didn't second guess it ever, until just this very moment. Let's say your parents are home. If there's someone outside who's in need of help, wouldn't you get your parents? What would they be doing where they can't come to the door? To me, saying your parents can't come to the door seems like code for, "I'm not opening the door because I'm home alone!"

I'm not sure that this series of PSA ever played outside of Canada. I've tried to find information about Gert and Bert, but it's really hard to come by. A quick read of the YouTube comments suggests that maybe these two rabbits were exclusive to Canada. Also, it seems that they still play pretty regularly too! That makes me happy, because dispite the cheese factor of these PSA's, they certainly get their points across. Even as an adult, Gert and Bert play a huge part in my life. I find that when I'm in need of advice, the best place to turn is a couple of teenaged, hoverboard-riding rabbits.

Those damn laughing trees

Ladies and gentlemen, before I get into today's entry, I have an announcement to make. The staff here at Fun Vintage Advertising has doubled!

That's right. There are two of us workin' 'round these here parts now.

Jess Roz, who has contributed a couple of guest entries for us in the past, is now an official writer for FVA. Jess and I go way back, and I've always admired her writing style, her sense of humour, and her love of all things obscure. I've been toying with the idea of having a second writer for a while now, and I knew from the get-go that Jess would be perfect for the job!

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Today's commercial for Sunkist Fun Fruits used to really freak me out. Watch it, and you'll know why.



These kids are on the search for something called a fruitosaurus. So far so good, right? When they find a dinosaur, they get scared and run away. Now I'm confused. Is this dinosaur not the fruitosaurus? Do these kids even know what the fruitosaurus looks like?

I imagine, though, that stumbling on any sort of dinosaur would be scary. I'd probably run too. But into a forest full of laughing trees? Hell no! As scary as that dinosaur was, those trees are much worse. It was a good thing that the dinosaur (which may or may not be the fruitosaurus?) was friendly. Those laughing trees keep laughing, though, as if they're mocking the children.

This commercial straight-up gave me nightmares as a child. Not so much because of the dinosaur, but because of those damn trees. In fact, now that I've watched this commercial close to ten times tonight, I wouldn't be surprised if the nightmares started again.

And now that I think about it, do people still eat fruit snacks? I used to get them in my lunch all the time when I was a wee lad, but I don't think I've seen them in quite a while.

Over and over and over and over and over and over: A tribute to Barbie

Hello everyone!

You may be thinking to yourself, gee whiz, I didn't know Patrick was a big Barbie fan! I hate to disappoint, but sadly I was never into Barbie. However, guest-blogger Jess is! You may remember her from her Nickelodeon bumper entry from February.

My friends, Jess is back with an entry that will blow your mind with awesomeness.

Also, Barbie stole my dance moves.

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I asked Patrick if I could do this for his blog, and then I promptly forgot. Sorry, Pat! But then I logged into YouTube and it recommended some videos to me, which jogged my memory.

I was a pretty typical little girl when it came to Barbies. I liked playing with them. And recently, I've been finding myself watching old commercials on YouTube. My Barbie era was the late 80s through the early 90s, when my Barbies got terrible haircuts and met gruesome fates...I mean, I grew out of them. Yeah.

Barbie commercials from that era feature young girls, playing with their Barbies (and Kens!) in a world splashed with bright colors and catchy jingles. The commercials were all similar; there'd be two little girls, a Barbie that did something, and a song to tell you about what the Barbies could do. The commercials featured the little girls easily posing and moving their dolls around - something I could never get them to do in real life.

One of my favorite Barbies was Totally Hair Barbie, in her saucy neon minidress and long hair (down to her toes!) that you could style any and every which way. I had both Barbie and Ken. Check out the commercial...I could never make my Barbies' hair look THAT good!



She comes with Dep gel and has the longest hair in the world! I wonder if anyone really came up with such a variety of hairstyles. It's also worth mentioning that Totally Hair Ken had real (fake) hair! I'm pretty sure I ran out of Dep in about a week.

Here's another classic commercial for Shavin' Fun Ken. I imagine this is actually what goes down when dudes shave their beards. Ohh, Ken!



This commercial is from 1995. You can tell because of Ken's fashion choices. Hey, wait...I think Shavin' Fun Ken is just Totally Hair Ken with a fake beard, now that I look at it...they seem to have the same hair.

Here's another one from the early 90s, for Cut 'n' Style Barbie. I'm pretty sure that is a sinister young Amanda Bynes at the end (but I've been unable to find any sources confirming this). I'm not sure if I'd want her near my head with scissors...



The 90s will come back to haunt us, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

And I'll conclude with this one from the previous decade. From 1986...Barbie and the Rockers! Check out how they "dance"!



Ken's enthusiasm for joining Barbie's band is intoxicating.

Well, that should do it for this go-around. I think I've put off studying for my exams long enough...