You know who always made the best holiday commercials? If you answered "The fast food industry," you'd be one-hundred percent correct.
I've talked about these commercials time and time again on this blog, but dammit, I've watched a lot of holiday commercials in the last month - A LOT - and none of them are as good as McDonald's or KFC.
It would stand to reason, then, that if McDonald's can make really, really good Christmas commercials, then they should be able to make a really, really good Christmas special. Well, it seems that's not really the case.
Until about fifteen minutes ago, I was not aware that McDonald's had ever done anything like this. This special aired on CBS in 1991 or 1992, and is probably as bad as you're imagining.
Here is the IMDB plot summary:
Ivy, an orphan wants a grandmother and a doll for Christmas. She
mistakes a sign greeting her into a town, she jumps off a bus and
shouts, "It's me, Ivy!". In the cold she looks for a grandma
unsuccessfully. She finally finds a woman who always wanted children and a
doll, Holly. Based on the book The Story of Holly and Ivy.
Seriously, that sounds terrible.
I wish that I had the stomach to watch this stupid special. I really do. As a grown man with a baby daughter, I have to sit through a lot of stuff for her sake. I love all of you, my dear readers, but not as much as I love her. You can probably find the special on YouTube, but I'm not going to search for it.
Hello friends! You didn't think I would go for the entire year without posting something, did you?
Today, we're going to talk a little about Halloween. I don't think I really need to tell you that there have been many, many spooky commercials over the last couple of decades. Let's take a look at some of them, shall we? This first one is a Toys 'R' Us ad from 1980. Let's watch:
One thing that immediately stands out is the music. It's a perfect mix of spooky and zany. I like the lack of a voice-over for the first half of the commercial. It's not yelling at you to buy anything. Without a word, this commercial says "Hey, it's Halloween! You better start thinking of what you want to dress up as!" (That sounds grammatically incorrect. Would that be "You better start thinking of that as which you would like to dress?")
And check out this imagery!
Oh no, the cat is throwing up
ghosts, witches, and other scary things.
Come in here! Y'gotta see this...
(followed by...)
Oh my god, a dancing skeleton!
Geoffrey, you wacky giraffe, you didn't
prepare me for that!
And check out some these two costumes.
Gimpy Big Bird
Gimpy Yoda
Those are probably the lamest costumes I've ever seen. Maybe they were pretty cool by 1980s standards, but I don't think they'd hold up too much today. Why would Yoda wear a t-shirt with his own image on it?
All in all, I would still call this a pretty fun commercial. It has everything: great music, spooky animation, and terrible costumes.
The fun doesn't end there, though. That last spot, great as it was, came out about two and a half years before I was born. Here's one that I distinctly remember from, well, sometime in the 90's.
Pizza Head was a blatant Mr. Bill rip-off that Pizza Hut used from 1993 until 1997. If you're a piece of pizza, this commercial really stabs at all your nightmares!
Pizza-cutter mummy
Pizza-cutter scary picture
Pizza-cutter vampire
I forgot just how much I loved Pizza Head, which is weird when you consider that I really hate Mr. Bill.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. I've got one more commercial that I'm going to try to get to before Halloween, and if it doesn't get put up this year, it'll definitely be around next year.
It's been a little while since our last entry, but I can explain! I promise! You see, me and Jess are still mourning the death of Macho Man Randy Savage. We've shut ourselves in, eating nothing but Slim Jims to honour our fallen hero.
Before I get to our entry for today, I'd like to apologize for something. You see, Blogspot gives me access to all sorts of statistics regarding the traffic to and from this blog. When you come to my blog from a search engine, I can see which keywords you were using. Among them, the most popular seem to be some variant of "hee hee hee oops", or "mr. christie rainbow chips ahoy commercial hee-hee-hee-opps".
The most popular commercial that we've written about is this one, featuring a lovable boy named Kevin who turns everything he touches into rainbow colours. Seeing this trend, I went back and re-read my entry. I was shocked to find out that the video for this commercial has disappeared! The user that I borrowed the video from had their account suspended due to multiple copyright violations.
Normally, I would be more than happy to simply replace this missing video with similar video from another user. The problem is, though, that I can't find that commercial anywhere! The internet is a giant cloud where you can find practically anything, as long as it's not this one commercial. I'd like to apologize for not having a video there. Rest assured that I'm still looking, and that I'll keep looking until I find it again!
Ok, now that all that's behind us, let's talk about today's entry. Someone I love brought this particular gem to my attention a few weeks ago. I wanted to write about it, but, as I said, I was still in mourning.
Back in 1989/1990, HBO and Consumer Reports Television produced a series of specials called "Buy Me That". The purpose of these specials was to educate children about the reality of advertising. To the best of my knowledge, there were three seperate episodes. The one that I watched was the third one in the series, and it deals with food advertising.
I'll post the entire episode here. It's a half-hour long, but I really recommend that you watch it.
Part one of this special deals predominantly with two issues: brand loyalty and misleading advertisements. While talking about brand loyalty, host Jim Fyfe brings up the example of Coke versus Pepsi. He gathered two teams of children - one team was loyal to Coke, and the other one was loyal to Pepsi. He asked them to take a blind taste test to see if they could tell the difference between the two major brands and RC cola. Most of the kids failed the test, saying that they couldn't tell the difference.
The host also talked about misleading advertising. He talks about processed fruit snacks, and how the packaging for these products is covered in fruit. It's meant to give the illusion that these products are good for you, but in reality they're made up of mostly chemicals.
In part two, Mr. Fyfe discusses some of the contests that are supposed to draw kids to certain products. Imagine winning a million dollars from Cookie Crisp! He really drives home the fact that the odds of winning these contests are pretty much non-existant.
In another segment in part two, a mad scientist talks about all the chemicals that go into making a Twinkie. It's a pretty disgusting process, and it definately killed
any desire I've ever had for one.
Part three is the most interesting segment, I feel. If you only watch one segment from this special, this one should be it. Have you ever wondered how the burgers you see in the McDonalds and Burger King commercials looks so good? In this segment, we get a first-hand look at what goes on behind the scenes of those commercials. I always knew that something wasn't right in the commcericals. Those burgers always looked a little too perfect. This segment will show you exactly what goes on in order to get them to look like that.
This whole special really hit a note with me. I really like the way that they have presented all this information in a way that's not only educational, but fun. This video may be somewhat dated, but I think that everyone should watch it. If I had watched this as a child, I think my whole life would have turned out a lot different. Well, maybe it wouldn't have been that extreme, but it certainly would have changed my spending habits and my attitude towards advertisments.
Thank you, my dear friends. Until next time, keep well!
Remember when cereal commercials, even for boring cereals, used to be fun? I do, and this is the perfect example.
Back in 1993, this series of commercials got a lot of play during my after-school cartoons. This is one of those jingles that I would often find myself singing to myself. I bet other people thought I was strange for that. (Then again, I'm 28 years old and people still think I'm strange...)
There's a lot of little things that I love about this spot. Of course, there's the music. The graphics are really well done, in that you can watch this commercial and immediately know that it's from the early 90's. Between the graphics, and those outrageous outfits the kids are wearing, you can certainly date this ad. It's just a whole lot of fun packed into thirty short seconds.
I like, too, that they end the commercial by advertising their limited-edition Aladdin cereal boxes. It just hit me that Aladdin was released about twenty years ago. Ladies and gentlemen, I offically feel old.
I love Corn Flakes, and I love listening to fun music. This commercial appeals to my love of both those things!
I was poking around YouTube recently, and I stumbled upon something that really, really excited me. There is a user on YouTube called Retrontario, who has uploaded about 1700 videos and commercials from Southern Ontario/Western New York, which is where I was born and raised. You can just imagine my excitement as I carefully combed over pages upon pages of old videos!
This PSA is from Retrontario. Gert and Bert helped shape me into the careful, courteous person I am today.
Little Daniel is home alone, when an attractive woman comes to the door asking to use the phone. Oh no! What is he to do? Thankfully Gert and Bert are there to remind him that he must stay alert, even when he's home alone.
I remember being told to use the line, "My parents can't come to the door right now," all the time when I was growing up. I didn't second guess it ever, until just this very moment. Let's say your parents are home. If there's someone outside who's in need of help, wouldn't you get your parents? What would they be doing where they can't come to the door? To me, saying your parents can't come to the door seems like code for, "I'm not opening the door because I'm home alone!"
I'm not sure that this series of PSA ever played outside of Canada. I've tried to find information about Gert and Bert, but it's really hard to come by. A quick read of the YouTube comments suggests that maybe these two rabbits were exclusive to Canada. Also, it seems that they still play pretty regularly too! That makes me happy, because dispite the cheese factor of these PSA's, they certainly get their points across. Even as an adult, Gert and Bert play a huge part in my life. I find that when I'm in need of advice, the best place to turn is a couple of teenaged, hoverboard-riding rabbits.
You may be thinking to yourself, gee whiz, I didn't know Patrick was a big Barbie fan! I hate to disappoint, but sadly I was never into Barbie. However, guest-blogger Jess is! You may remember her from her Nickelodeon bumper entry from February.
My friends, Jess is back with an entry that will blow your mind with awesomeness.
Also, Barbie stole my dance moves.
I asked Patrick if I could do this for his blog, and then I promptly forgot. Sorry, Pat! But then I logged into YouTube and it recommended some videos to me, which jogged my memory.
I was a pretty typical little girl when it came to Barbies. I liked playing with them. And recently, I've been finding myself watching old commercials on YouTube. My Barbie era was the late 80s through the early 90s, when my Barbies got terrible haircuts and met gruesome fates...I mean, I grew out of them. Yeah.
Barbie commercials from that era feature young girls, playing with their Barbies (and Kens!) in a world splashed with bright colors and catchy jingles. The commercials were all similar; there'd be two little girls, a Barbie that did something, and a song to tell you about what the Barbies could do. The commercials featured the little girls easily posing and moving their dolls around - something I could never get them to do in real life.
One of my favorite Barbies was Totally Hair Barbie, in her saucy neon minidress and long hair (down to her toes!) that you could style any and every which way. I had both Barbie and Ken. Check out the commercial...I could never make my Barbies' hair look THAT good!
She comes with Dep gel and has the longest hair in the world! I wonder if anyone really came up with such a variety of hairstyles. It's also worth mentioning that Totally Hair Ken had real (fake) hair! I'm pretty sure I ran out of Dep in about a week.
Here's another classic commercial for Shavin' Fun Ken. I imagine this is actually what goes down when dudes shave their beards. Ohh, Ken!
This commercial is from 1995. You can tell because of Ken's fashion choices. Hey, wait...I think Shavin' Fun Ken is just Totally Hair Ken with a fake beard, now that I look at it...they seem to have the same hair.
Here's another one from the early 90s, for Cut 'n' Style Barbie. I'm pretty sure that is a sinister young Amanda Bynes at the end (but I've been unable to find any sources confirming this). I'm not sure if I'd want her near my head with scissors...
The 90s will come back to haunt us, over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
And I'll conclude with this one from the previous decade. From 1986...Barbie and the Rockers! Check out how they "dance"!
Ken's enthusiasm for joining Barbie's band is intoxicating.
Well, that should do it for this go-around. I think I've put off studying for my exams long enough...
Hello there, people of the internet! I hope you've had a bit of time to decompress after the holidays. (It's almost February!)
Today's commercial comes back from the early 90's. Mr. Christie, a man who has dedicated his life to the art of cookie making, took a great idea, and he made it better.
This is the story of Kevin, a happy-go-lucky, (and perhaps a little dumb) child who was cursed with a terrible condition. You see, everything he touched turned to rainbow colours. The poor kid couldn't catch a break!
While I loved this commercial back when I was a wee lad, there's a couple of things that bother me now. First of all, Kevin is just irritating! Second, he's clearly seen touching a cookie with one of his hands. Why doesn't that cookie turn to rainbow colours? It just makes no sense to me.
Can you imagine having this condition your whole life? If you thought puberty was awkward, you can only imagine how bad Kevin had it. And what about work? The only place he can really work is the tye-dye shirt factory! What kind of life is that? People don't even wear those anymore!
All that being said, I really loved the Rainbow Chips Ahoy cookies. I've said it before, and it's worth repeating: Mr. Christie, you make good cookies!
I vividly remember this commerical coming out in 1992.
As a nine year old little boy, the good folks at Milton Bradley weren't just advertising a mere board game. They were promising me the most extreme board game ever! I used to love watching this spot, each time putting myself in the winner's place. I'd have the power to condemn the loser to hell! That'd put a quick end to my bully problem!
I never actually owned Crossfire, but I'll tell you this: not a day goes by that I don't look back with regret, thinking of what may have been if I had owned it. Maybe I would have developed omnipotent powers. Or maybe I could have just killed some time playing with my friends. We'll never know. We'll just never know.
