FVA's Christmas Ad-Stravaganza 2013 - Part Two of Hopefully More Than One

You know who always made the best holiday commercials? If you answered "The fast food industry," you'd be one-hundred percent correct.

I've talked about these commercials time and time again on this blog, but dammit, I've watched a lot of holiday commercials in the last month - A LOT - and none of them are as good as McDonald's or KFC.

It would stand to reason, then, that if McDonald's can make really, really good Christmas commercials, then they should be able to make a really, really good Christmas special. Well, it seems that's not really the case.



Until about fifteen minutes ago, I was not aware that McDonald's had ever done anything like this. This special aired on CBS in 1991 or 1992, and is probably as bad as you're imagining.

Here is the IMDB plot summary:

Ivy, an orphan wants a grandmother and a doll for Christmas. She mistakes a sign greeting her into a town, she jumps off a bus and shouts, "It's me, Ivy!". In the cold she looks for a grandma unsuccessfully. She finally finds a woman who always wanted children and a doll, Holly. Based on the book The Story of Holly and Ivy. 

 Seriously, that sounds terrible.

I wish that I had the stomach to watch this stupid special. I really do. As a grown man with a baby daughter, I have to sit through a lot of stuff for her sake. I love all of you, my dear readers, but not as much as I love her. You can probably find the special on YouTube, but I'm not going to search for it.

If you don't want to search for it, but you want to learn more, I found this helpful review.

That's it for me today. I'll see you again real soon!

Edit from later that night: My wife and I ended up finding this special on YouTube. We got through two minutes of it, then delared it unwatchable.

FVA's Christmas Ad-Stravaganza 2013 - Part One of Hopefully More Than One

I've decided that I want to get an early start on our FVACAS this year, and get at least one post per week in before Christmas. Maybe... just maybe... we'll see some entries from our friends along the way!

This first commercial is from Hardees.


I  actually had to look up whether or not it was the actual burger chain, or some other business which shares that name. Y'see, I'm not from 'round these here parts. Where I'm from, there was no Hardees or Carl's Jr., and so I never even knew that this chain existed until I moved to Missouri. When I arrived here, Hardees was already into their sexy-nearly-naked-woman-covered-in-delicious-condiments phase. (I Googled that, and somehow didn't get any porn...)

Anyway, it had never occurred to me that Hardees could be anything but sleazy. I have no idea when this ad aired, but I know it was sometime in the 80's. This ad is so wholesome, and it features Disney characters, kids, and old people. It's quite the stark contrast to their current advertising campaign

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This next commercial starts with Bill Cosby sneaking up and yelling at some innocent kids.




I don't really have much to say about this one, except that it features Bill Cosby and Jello. Look how much fun those kids are having! You have to admire their patience, because everyone knows that it takes forever to make Jello.

Well, friends, that's it until next week. See you then!

Snap Into a Slim Jim!

Ladies, gentelmen, dear readers, welcome to my new home.

My name is Patrick, and I work as a master control operator for a television station in the Mid-West. As you may have guessed, watching television is a big part of my job.

Growing up, my sister and I used to watch a lot of pre-recorded television. We had VHS (and Beta!) tapes full of old cartoons from the mid-80's all the way up to the early 90's. We grew up watching the same old episodes of My Pet Monster, The Real Ghostbusters, Yogi Bear, and ALF. As an adult, I find myself re-watching these tapes, and it takes me back to better times.

As much as I love all my cartoons, I find that the part that excites me more is the advertising. There's something about old commercials that makes me all tingly inside. I've tried time and time again to figures out exactly what it is that I love, but I can't seem to pinpoint it.

As I mentioned earlier, I watch television professionally. I see a lot of commericals. And while there are a lot of really effective, entertaining commercials, very rarely do they capture the same spark as older ones do.

In this blog, I'll be bringing you commercials that I grew up with, commericals that interest me, and hell, maybe even modern commericals that capture my attention. I hope to update this thing at least once a week.

So, without further adu... let's bring on the commericals!

Our first commercial comes to us from the good people at Slim Jim. I remember watching wrestling when I was younger, back when it came on right before American Gladiators on Saturday mornings.

In this series of commericals, Macho Man Randy Savage would give us clear, well thought-out reasons why we should enjoy his stick-shaped meat product.

And by that, I mean he just yelled a lot.

Randy Savage was really just a more extreme version of the Kool-Aid man, busting through walls and telling us to SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!

As entertaining at these spots were, I have to point out that my first experience with a Slim Jim was pretty disappointing. I had to learn the hard way that Slim Jims don't snap. They just kinda bend. I felt extremely let down. If I couldn't take the word of Macho Man Randy Savage, then who else could I trust? I still carry that burden to this day.

Randy Savage's days of glory, like Miss Elizabeth, have long since died. I think, though, that anytime someone is disappointed when they bite into a Slim Jim, they'll think of the Macho Man.

Until next time!