Instant Folgers: Buy it or your husband will leave you

There are few things in life that I love more than a good cup of coffee. That sweet elixir of the gods is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the morning. I'm pretty serious about getting my fix.

Not as serious, though, as some of the men in these commercials.


This one takes place on Harvey's birthday. He doesn't want much - only a decent cup of coffee. Instead, Mrs. Harvey serves him a cup of mud. He really rips into her, calling her coffee undrinkable and harsh. He sort of hints that he's going to start sleeping with the girls at work, because they can make better coffee on their hotplates!

Later that day, Mrs. Harvey is telling her friend about this incident. Her friend, of course, isn't even phased by it. She suggests that using Folgers instant coffee will fix everything. After all, it's just as good as freshly-perked coffee. So later that night, as the Harveys are dining by candlelight, Mrs. Harvey cautiously serves her husband a cup of Folgers. Lo and behold, it's delicious. Once again, the Harveys have a perfect marriage.


This one takes place outside on the patio. This lovely couple is spending a beautiful sping day outside. What better way to celebrate this lovely day than by enjoying a nice cup of coffee?

It's a shame, because the wife's coffee is really terrible. One sip, and the husband throws it into the garden, killing their flowers. I believe that he desribes the coffee as "criminal" and "murder". Harsh words!

Clearly shaken by this, the wife consults an expert. No, not a marriage expert - rather, a coffee expert! Ol' Papa Eddie knows his coffee. He suggests using Folgers coffee. It's never bitter or weak, because it's grown on a mountain. And just in case the wife doesn't know what shape a mountain is, Papa Eddie is happy to demonstrate.

At dinner that night, the wife serves up a delicious cup of Folgers. Now that she's discovered the bold, robust flavour of Folgers, the two of them will live in perfect bliss forever and ever.


In this one, Jane suspects that there's something wrong with the coffee. It's not her first time making a sub-par brew for her husband. You can clearly tell by the look on his face that something isn't right. He won't even talk to her! The only words out of his mouth are "bad taste!"

While the husband is at work, Jane goes out to the grocery store. Lucky for her, she happens to run into Mary. Mary explains that all of Jane's problems can be solved with Instant Folgers. After all, it's just as good as fresh-perked.

That night, over dinner, Jane serves her husband some of this new coffee. He demands an explanation, to which Jane replied "good taste!"

See what they did there?


George is clearly feeling frisky and playful in this commercial! Mrs. George isn't having any of that, though, because the PTA is coming over, and she's too busy for his nonsense. Clearly frustrated, George makes a snide comment about how she's going to serve terrible coffee to her collegues. It's the same joke he's made a thousand times before! Like a broken record, that one is.

Luckily, Mrs. Olson is there to save the day. You see, any time she's out at someone else's house, she'll bring her own coffee. Folgers coffee is mountain grown, after all.

Of course, George loves it. We all learned an important lesson here: there's no secret to making good coffee. Any dummy can make good coffee if they use Folgers!

I'm a little hesitant to use the word "hilarious" to describe any of these commercials. If anything, it's a little chilling to look back and see what society considered to be normal. We've certainly come a long way since the 60's. If I told my significant other that her coffee was terrible, she'd probably just curse at me and tell me to make it myself.

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On a side note, I managed to digitize my DVD full of cartoons and stuff from the late 80's/early 90's. Among these cartoons are some really great commercials, which I hope to share with you in the near future. We're back, baby! We're back!

Now Back To Our Program

Dearest readers, It really has been a long time since I've done anything with this blog, and for that I apologize.

When I started this blog back in September 2010, I had this idealistic vision of talking about the commercials that I loved as a kid. The plan was to bring you one commercial every week. I would tell you what I know about it, where I used to see it, and why I loved it. Having spent so much time in front of the television as a child, I thought that it would be really easy for me to come up with content.

I realized a couple of things, though. First, it's extremely difficult to find a lot of those commercials online. I have VHS copies, but I don't have the means of digitizing them. A lot of the commercials were specific to Canada, and I'm sure many of them were pretty obscure. Once I find a way of digitizing them, I feel like this blog will really start to take off again.

Second, even right now, this very second, I have about a list of about twenty commercials, vintage cartoon promos, and the like that I would love to talk about. The problem I'm having, though, is that I don't know what I would say about them. I would hate to post something, say, "Hey, this is really neat. Watch it!", and then call it a day. I want to write more, and I feel like I'm full of words. Somewhere between my brain and my fingers, there must be a short circuit. Instead of typing, I wish that I could somehow express myself through interpretive dance.

I guess what I'm saying is that this blog isn't dead yet. I'm going to try harder to bring you the Fun Vintage Advertising blog we all hoped this would be. I'm going to give you the old commercials you crave.

That, my dear readers, is my promise to you. Stay tuned, we have a lot of great stuff coming up.

These Are The Trailers From My Favorite 80s Movies

Oh, the 1980s. Wasn't that a great era to be a kid? Lost pirate treasure, magic books, personal karate masters, aliens with healing index fingers. Aside from living under the specter of nuclear proliferation by Sarah Palin's neighbors and rampant racial stereotyping, the world was an 80s kid's oyster, and this was reflected in the movies we watched.

We're all products of the cultures and eras in which we were born, and us 80s babies grew up in a world of puppets, aliens, and shape-shifting mogwais. We may not be able to ever recapture that innocence, but we can relive it through our friend YouTube!

So join me, dear readers, on an adventure into the imaginations of millions of kids, with a look at some of the trailers for some classic 80s films!

We'll start with the obvious...the 1982 classic "E.T. The Extra Terrestrial," the film that launched the careers of Drew Barrymore and Reese's Pieces. It also presented a new way of using a Speak 'n' Spell.



Man, I haven't seen this movie in ages.

Up next, we're going with a personal favorite. I still identify with this movie...bullied kid, love of books, luck dragon. I remember in first grade we illustrated our dreams, and my picture was myself riding on Falkor's back (if you call him a dog, so help me he is a LUCK DRAGON).



Here's another personal favorite...The Labyrinth! I figured I should show at least one film trailer featuring a girl protagonist. This movie also stars Jennifer Connelly, David Bowie, and David Bowie's package...something I was both keenly aware of and thoroughly confused by at a young age.



The last trailer I'm going to feature is another personal favorite. Starring Cary Elwes, Robin Wright (before she was Penn), and Mandy Patinkin, along with a plethora of hilarious cameos, The Princess Bride has become a cult classic (though I do know someone who has never seen it!).



There you go, folks. I'd keep going if I could, but maybe another movie trailer entry will be coming along soon...? Perhaps one with more movies featuring kickass girls...maybe my co-blogger is up to that challenge??

Take A Tasty Break...With Tastykake! (And Betty White!)

Hello there, FVA! I just realized it has been over two months since I posted a "real" entry, and I apologize for slacking. But here I am, with a new entry featuring another regional product...and America's Sweetheart, Betty White.

The woman featured in this entry enjoyed a resurgence of popularity last year, when a Facebook campaign pushing for her to host SNL went viral. As an actress, she acted in some of the most influential sitcoms (Mary Tyler Moore in the 1970s, The Golden Girls in the 1980s) of the 20th century. Her career has spanned nearly seven decades, and at 89 years old she's still going strong.

At one point in her extensive career, she did a few spots for Tastykake. Tastykake is a company that makes some...well, tasty cakes. The company began in Philadelphia in 1914 and its products are sold primarily in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeastern United States. They are part of what I like to call the Philly Phood Triphecta - cheesestakes, soft pretzels, and Tastykakes (my favorite are butterscotch or jelly-filled Krimpets).

This first spot is from the Philly Food Show. This video also features a commercial starring former Phillie Mike Schmidt. I'm not sure of the year, but the video screams 1970s:



Here's another spot with our beloved Betty, telling us about Tastykake's commitment to using only the best and freshest ingredients:



So go ahead...take a Tasty Break...with Tastykake!

Buy Me That!

Hello there, my dear readers!

It's been a little while since our last entry, but I can explain! I promise! You see, me and Jess are still mourning the death of Macho Man Randy Savage. We've shut ourselves in, eating nothing but Slim Jims to honour our fallen hero.

Before I get to our entry for today, I'd like to apologize for something. You see, Blogspot gives me access to all sorts of statistics regarding the traffic to and from this blog. When you come to my blog from a search engine, I can see which keywords you were using. Among them, the most popular seem to be some variant of "hee hee hee oops", or "mr. christie rainbow chips ahoy commercial hee-hee-hee-opps".

The most popular commercial that we've written about is this one, featuring a lovable boy named Kevin who turns everything he touches into rainbow colours. Seeing this trend, I went back and re-read my entry. I was shocked to find out that the video for this commercial has disappeared! The user that I borrowed the video from had their account suspended due to multiple copyright violations.

Normally, I would be more than happy to simply replace this missing video with similar video from another user. The problem is, though, that I can't find that commercial anywhere! The internet is a giant cloud where you can find practically anything, as long as it's not this one commercial. I'd like to apologize for not having a video there. Rest assured that I'm still looking, and that I'll keep looking until I find it again!

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Ok, now that all that's behind us, let's talk about today's entry. Someone I love brought this particular gem to my attention a few weeks ago. I wanted to write about it, but, as I said, I was still in mourning.

Back in 1989/1990, HBO and Consumer Reports Television produced a series of specials called "Buy Me That". The purpose of these specials was to educate children about the reality of advertising. To the best of my knowledge, there were three seperate episodes. The one that I watched was the third one in the series, and it deals with food advertising.

I'll post the entire episode here. It's a half-hour long, but I really recommend that you watch it.



Part one of this special deals predominantly with two issues: brand loyalty and misleading advertisements. While talking about brand loyalty, host Jim Fyfe brings up the example of Coke versus Pepsi. He gathered two teams of children - one team was loyal to Coke, and the other one was loyal to Pepsi. He asked them to take a blind taste test to see if they could tell the difference between the two major brands and RC cola. Most of the kids failed the test, saying that they couldn't tell the difference.

The host also talked about misleading advertising. He talks about processed fruit snacks, and how the packaging for these products is covered in fruit. It's meant to give the illusion that these products are good for you, but in reality they're made up of mostly chemicals.



In part two, Mr. Fyfe discusses some of the contests that are supposed to draw kids to certain products. Imagine winning a million dollars from Cookie Crisp! He really drives home the fact that the odds of winning these contests are pretty much non-existant.

In another segment in part two, a mad scientist talks about all the chemicals that go into making a Twinkie. It's a pretty disgusting process, and it definately killed

any desire I've ever had for one.



Part three is the most interesting segment, I feel. If you only watch one segment from this special, this one should be it. Have you ever wondered how the burgers you see in the McDonalds and Burger King commercials looks so good? In this segment, we get a first-hand look at what goes on behind the scenes of those commercials. I always knew that something wasn't right in the commcericals. Those burgers always looked a little too perfect. This segment will show you exactly what goes on in order to get them to look like that.

This whole special really hit a note with me. I really like the way that they have presented all this information in a way that's not only educational, but fun. This video may be somewhat dated, but I think that everyone should watch it. If I had watched this as a child, I think my whole life would have turned out a lot different. Well, maybe it wouldn't have been that extreme, but it certainly would have changed my spending habits and my attitude towards advertisments.

Thank you, my dear friends. Until next time, keep well!